Prita

The last time I talk with this guy my friend hooking me up with, I found a missing link. And, I didn’t stop it. I didn’t say “Hey man, I think I don’t want to see you again”. And that was wrong … not to trust what my heart said. My head keep saying, do it … it’s been so long, you’ve just got your early warm-up. My heart said, stop it !!! He’s not worth a kiss. My gut said, let it flow. Let’s test this sucker.

And in the end, I learned that …

he’s not a good kisser

he’s pretty racist

his jokes about religion were not that funny

and for a guy who went to the gym every 2 days, his body wasn’t so yummy.

I got my lesson.

Hey … that funny rhyming with yummy.

*wink*.

I need soul food. Or other activities. Or staying over at … somebody else’s house. ;).

Family fine, friends great, work can’t be better. Tapi lately ngobrol ama orang sekitar (kecuali ama fam & friends), gue nggak ngerasa rich. Kayaknya gue ngobrol ama orang2 yang I don’t know … somehow nggak ngebuat gue saying, “This person is soooo damn great. My brain salutes her or him” tapi malah ngebuat gue saying, “Isn’t that something that we should know since we’re 5?”

Kenapa ya? Bukannya nggak nyoba mengerti sih … tapi, kalo ngomong ama cowok ato cewek yg udah umur 35 dan gue bisa keluar kata2 itu, gue langsung drop. Hihihi. So instead of keep wondering why those people are like that, I chose to go on with what I do and just get the hell out from a circle of people that I’ve mentioned above. Ones that made me … “HELLLOOOOW?? PEOPLE PLEASE, It is 2008, for God’s sakes!!!!” Huaaaaaaaaaaah, and I’m so relieve I did that. Field of experience and frame of reference, I think. Yang bikin gue sekarang (lagi) nggak nyetrum ama orang2 around me.

So gue jadi lebih sering melewatkan waktu sendiri (in order to find soul food juga sih..). Like today, when my tasks aren’t too piling up in my tray instead of joining the girls at the powder room for a 10 o’clock make up re-touch (they re-touching and gossiping and as usual I was just listening, which I’m good at), I’m staying at my desk and checking people’s blogs on my computer. And I read this guy’s blogs yang very inspiring also cool. Very cool.

He broke up with his boyfriend.

And broken hearted can be 2 things.

One, it could make you hollow and empty. Somehow, you lost the urge of being a living thing. No shine. No sun. Nothing. It just the emptiness that kept swallowing you and pulled you down to a black hole that has no end.

OR

Two, it could teach you a lesson. That somehow, even though you felt like there’s nothing seemed make sense anymore, the world is not going to stop turning around because you think life is not fair. And the greatest part, it could woke another side of you. A better you. It’s not about an ending. It’s a beginning of another part of journey that will excite you. Because you will found lots of things that you can learn from yourself.

Believe me, learning about yourself is an amazing thing. You might find another side of “self” of you.

I never have doubts about a say that sometimes when people were down or in the bottom level of their life, people could get enormously creative.

They can think of something beyond.

Beyond anything. And it’s great. And that is what that guy did. Be an amazing thing by doing what so-called learning from him self and be a better him. He wrote about how he found him self, his strength, and the fact he can appreciate life in a higher level. And it’s not some geek level. It’s a God level. That guy is only 24. And he’s so much mature than the last 35-year-old-loser that I’ve dated last year. By the end of his blog, I smiled. Kind of proud of him. Happy for him. I said to my self, “GOD, THIS GUY IS SO DAMN GREAT!!”

And there it is. I just got my self what I’ve been missing for.

My soul food.

Snakes. Cukup sekali matuk dan orang metong
aja gitu. Dan … Snakes bisa hidup dimana aja. Di air, darat, dan recently gue
nonton di NGC kalo ada snakes yang hidupnya loncat dari dahan pohon ke pohon
yang lain. Udah gila. Lama2 dia bisa evolve jangan2 supaya punya sayap. Who
knows cing?

Gelap. Takut aja pokoknya. Sampe udah besar
dan walaupun nggak tidur sendiri, gue tetep takut gelap.

Quick sand.
It’s like kalo loe udah bikin kesalahan tapi
apapun yang loe perbuat untuk memperbaikinya itu malah membuat elo makin
tenggelam. It sucks you in no matter what you do. Nggak bisa bergerak. Like
quick sand. Kalo gue liat di TV, biasanya orang yang kecebur ke quick sand
ditolong sama batang kayu yang kuat. Dan kita mesti berpegang erat ama kayu itu dan narik diri kita sendiri keluar dari quick sand. On my case, I called the wood, faith.
So whenever I’m in that situation, I know I can deal with it because I have what it takes to get me out from a quick sand. My faith.
We lose faith, we lose our self.
We lose our self, we lose everything.
Just as simple as that to make you all go wacko and crazy. Or mentally unstable.
Your call.

Amnesia.
I can’t afford to lose all my memory. It has made me who I am today and affect what I will become. Apa jadinya gue kalo gue kena amnesia. Gue hanya akan menjadi selongsong kosong. An Empty Shell. To forget easily sometimes is a gift. But not for me. My memory, good or bad is all i’ve got.

So babe … i do have fears. It just, I don’t show it that much.

Ada tingkatan level dalam hubungan pertemanan gue. Nggak gampang.
Tadinya gue pikir I’m some kind of faker. I don’t have an identity. Dengan yang ini gue nggak boleh ngomongin branded stuffs, dengan yang itu gue harus makan di pinggir jalan, dengan yang satu lagi gue nggak boleh janjian di Mall, yang satu lagi gue nggak boleh ngomong campur ama bahasa inggris karena katanya sok bule, dengan yang satu lagi gue nggak boleh ngomongin salon et cetera et cetera …

Tersiksa? NOOOOOO. Gue ngeliat segi positifnya. Somehow, menurunkan sedikit ego gue untuk coba menyelami sebagian selera temen2 gue yang sangat berbeda, membuat gue kaya. I’m rich. Stinky, filthy, rich.

Seleksi Alam has its own way for me, in choosing what kind of circle of friends I should have. Feel a little bit lucky.  To have not so many friends but somehow completes me.

Gue jadi mulai menyadari about panggilan Bunglon temen gue beberapa blog yang lalu. But believe me, it’s a different kind of Bunglon. Bunglon adalah binatang yang berkamuflase menyerupai tempat yang dia hinggapi supaya nggak kelihatan sama mangsanya dan musuhnya.

Kalo temen gue bilang gue Bunglon karena alasan itu, (which I doubt) well she is so wrong.

Pertama, gue nggak mau memangsa as in gue tau gue bisa manfaatin temen, baik lama atau baru untuk kepentingan gue baik duit atau barang.

Kedua, I never intend mencari enemy. Dan kalo pun ada yang memusuhi gue, I definitely nggak akan menutupi diri gue atau berkamuflase so he or she can not see me. Just not my quality.

Berteman is the only kind perjudian yang gue jalani. Kadang loe rugi kadang loe untung. Mutualisme? Well sometimes, terutama kalo gue berjudi dengan temenan sama tukang jualan.

Tapi gue punya boundaries yang membuat gue sampai hari ini, memberikan gue alert untuk temenan dengan orang2 yang bisa diandalkan.

He or she must be free from drugs. Lots of my friends told me drugs for fun masih considerable, although for me there’s no such thing called drugs for fun.

Even waktu loe mau berubah menjadi setan, di tiap tingkatan ada celah yang kita sebut hope dimana disitu kita bisa tarik loe lagi ke jalan yang bener. I have friends yang died because of drugs or changed to a 10-time better person because of drugs. Trust me, people change.

P.S. : Berteman is THE ONLY PERJUDIAN yang gue jalani means I don’t gamble for love. For me … Love is a game. THAT YOU CAN NOT WIN. 2 different things cing.

Is the past really matter to you if you want to be friend with someone? There’s a thin layer between matter or not. There will be doubts.

You realize, there’s a chance he or she can
be your foe. Thinking, kalo temen loe yang duduk di sebelah dalam mobil loe
kembali jahat seperti dulu. Like if you friend with an ex-shoplifting. Won’t
you think twice to go with her to the Mall? *wink*.

That’s why I’m being picky.For me, choosing a friend has never been easy. I’ve been in a serious relationship with what so-called friend. Pinginnya semua friend yang gue punya end up seperti yang gue punya dengan Nadya, Nanda,
& Atit. Tapi ternyata nggak semudah itu dan ternyata juga nggak bisa.

Dengan Nca, gue nggak terlalu banyak
menghabiskan waktu untuk masa lalunya. Gue bahkan nggak tahu kalo dia a
Palembangnese and her dad had a prestigious position as a government employee. Waktu SMA gue selalu mikir dia anak manja, period. So she was out of my league. Why would I want to hang out with a spoil brat kalo gue udah melewati masa itu? I’m only a brat. They are 2 different things.

Gue 1 SMP sama dia for 3 years and wasted my 2-year of high school sitting next to her for … nothing. I gained nothing when we were in the same class. Didn’t know her and didn’t want to.

Tapi, I know her a lot after I graduated from college. Ternyata Nca selera musiknya ok, selera bajunya keren, kutu buku, movie buff abis, new gadget fans, and most of all dia selalu tahu hal2 yang paling baru. Kalo ketemu dia, gue berasa gue idup di abad ke 19 dan dia udah di abad 22 !. She always ahead of me!.

Sometimes, apa yang selama ini loe cari2 ke segala penjuru hanya untuk menemukan siapa diri loe sebenernya ternyata duduk manis aja di sebelah loe. 1 yang nggak berubah, Nca tetep spoil brat. Kalo bukan gue yang bilang dia kayak gini, apa dong kekurangan dia? Huh …

With Nanda, I met her on-line. Tahun 2000. It was not like love at first sight. It was what it was. She was funny when I first met her and she is still now. Yang jelas banyak ketawanya. I know nothing about her past. Kenal ama Nanda juga kenal ama dia. Hhmmm, yang nggak pernah ngebuat sedih, nggak pernah ngebuat BT, yang walaupun udah nggak jadian tapi gue masih ngerasa in-love. Nggak ada yang bisa ngeganti. Love Touches just one time kan? I got mine with him.

Waktu ketemu Nanda, dia lagi cari kerja, gue masih kuliah … tapi dalam tahap males karena bikin skripsi. Dia dapet kerja, gue masih berkutat dengan urusan kampus yang gue nggak suka. Gue lulus gue kerja bentar terus unemployed dan dia resign dari kantornya. Masa2 unemployed sama Nanda nggak terlupakan. Dan gue masih pingin mengukir masa2 yang lain sama dia untuk waktu yang akan datang yang nggak tahu sampe kapan. Yang lucu, kita berdua suka nulis, kalo pergi kayak nenek2 sukanya minum tea makannya salad (walaupun gue udah agak nggak ketat lagi about food sejak nutrionist gue bilang I have major issues about nutrition deficiency last January .. Huh), dan how we have faith in our religion. Uh, itu penting. Essential.

Gue agak sulit untuk mempercayai orang yang nggak percaya bahwa ada power atau whatever yang lebih kuat untuk segala yang dilakukannya di dunia ini. Alias dia percaya kalo dia begini atau begitu hanya karena kemampuannya bukan kekuatan lain itu. Pasti tu orang sombong setengah metong …

Gue kenal Atit waktu umur gue 7 taun. Kita
1 sekolah dari SD sampe SMP. Lots of laugh. Gue nggak pernah bilang ke dia …
“Cing, loe adalah sahabat gue. Mati hidup gue ama elo” dan dia juga nggak
pernah bilang begitu. Tapi semua orang yang ketemu gue di tempat umum selalu bilang “Boo, loe nggak ama Atit? Kemana dia?”.

Waktu kita SD, masa paling bahagia. That’s why, kalo gue ditanya “Prita, masa apa paling menyenangkan?” gue akan menjawab dengan lantang “masa – masa di SD!!!”, karena masa ini adalah masa2 spoil brat buat gue, which was fun. Tapi
pas SMA kita pisah, gue langsung masuk SMA 82, sementara Atit harus ikut
barisan anak2 cadangan SMA negeri yg buka pendaftaran karena emang masih
memerlukan murid. Masuk deh dia ke SMA 6. Again, I don’t like my high school
time, bukan hanya karena gue merasa disini nggak se-enjoy gue di SD tapi juga
karena di rumah, keluargaku carut marut. I’m not that smart, so I didn’t get
much of attention of academic from my parents. My mum never said anything to boost me up to study harder. So, gue juga belajar seadanya. Never paid
attention. At all. Then, gue masuk A1. Nightmare begins and I’m starting my
role as “just a brat” instead a spoil brat. Fuck. None of my 2 brothers went to
A1. It was like a curse. Disitu gue ketemu Nca. Tapi detailnya entar dulu, gue
masih di fase sama Atit dengan jadwal tetap gue ke salon dan ke Metro Pondok
Indah untuk belanja. Arrgghh, itu adalah masa2 menyenangkan. Ke salon, ke
Metro, makan di Gajahmada atau Oh La La atau Regal (jaman dulu belum ada
starbucks, coffee bean dan sejenisnya), terus kita bisa ngelanjutin nonton, dan
pulangnya kita saling nyoba belanjaan kita. Every Weekend.

Atit mulai dating, gue masih jomblo. Lulus SMA Atit masih dating, gue dating. Gue putus Atit masih dating dengan cowok yg dia pacarin dari SMA. Atit putus, gue lagi PDKT. Atit PDKT, gue dating cowok baru. Terus Atit jadian. Tapi gue putus. Selama Atit jadian sama cowok yang kedua ini, cowok yg sama gue nggak pernah jelas. And, she never judge. She got married after 4 years of dating dan sekarang udah 5 tahun nikah dengan 2 anak. Sampe sekarang gue masih punya jadwal khusus ama dia ke salon + curhat + belanja … plus anak2 dan suaminya. I have no problem with that. Kadang2 memang ada yang berubah antara 2 orang yang temenan baik dan salah satu dari mereka berkeluarga, tapi itu semua kembali bagaimana kita menyikapinya. Banyak yang berubah dari Atit after dia menikah, waktu jalan2 sama gue jadi sedikit, nggak bisa curhat kapan gue butuhkan, dan yang paling penting gue nggak bisa lagi seenaknya nginep di rumahnya kapan aja gue mau kalo gue lagi males pulang. But I never intend to change what we had. Dia termasuk orang yang terus bersama gue saat kaya atau miskin, with lover or without, susah atau senang.

Sampai sekarang.

+ What do you hate the most when we were together?
- You like saying “sooo” too many times. You spent too much time at the salon. You shop like there’s no tomorrow. And when you have a date with your gf, you forgot about me completely.

+ I like saying “sooo”?? How?
- Like this: “babe, i’m soooo not going to eat that thing. Fat Fat Fat …” or “Baby, I’m soooo not in the mood for debating” or “Daghling, Today is sooooo my great hair day, so don’t be a jerk today and pick me up on time”. Or sometimes, just like “SOO?”. There .. I’ve Said IT!!

+ The Salon is unacceptable. You knew it from the start salon is my retreat.
- I know. But I just never met anyone who willingly spent 4 hours for make-up and hairdo just for a 45-minute tops event. Remember that wedding we went to?

+ Which one?
- The St.. wedding? You spent 4 hours for makeup and hair, but we stayed only for 45 minutes. Because you said the food wasn’t good? Then we ended up eating Nasi Goreng Bakti near Senopati … And you were a champion, for getting out of my car with that hair and that 7,5 cm heels. You are crazy, woman!.

+ What else?
- When we’re in the car, and 1 of the girls called. You seemed in your own world and I was just a spectator.

+ Why is that annoying?
- Sitting in a bench for too long. Sometimes not so fun.

+ What else?
- When you rolled your eyes up, for stupid reasons.

+ What else?
- I know when suddenly you talk in English, you’re angry. Must be prepared.

+  Why was that annoying?
- I was wrong. It wasn’t, actually you’re hot when you’re angry. I’m just out of reasons.

+ Why we’re not together anymore?
- Hey, don’t go to that zone. Come on let’s reminiscing again .. ;).