Prita

I want what I want, when I want it.
You can say that to anyone in your company, if you’re a CEO. If you’re just an employee, you can’t talk like that. But … you can have the attitude.

So, when this friend of mine at work complaining about how she got frustrated about how hard it is for her to ask a leave because, her daughter was sick … I just … well, nod along.
I don’t like when a person does something because they have an opinion that they are limited by choices.
I think it’s better to say that, “I made a choice”. I take decisions. Not the choices that limited us, but  sorting the choices out so that we can finally made one.
My friend is married with one child. She chose to get married. She chose to have a daughter. She chose to run a family life with no maid or nanny. And she chose to keep her job. She chose all of the mentioned above by her self. So by the time, her daughter is sick, and she has to stay at home, asking her “not family oriented” boss to take an emergency leave, is like vomiting for her. She would start complaining. She would start, whining how the company is not family-friendly … and blah blah blah …
Again, as a personnel staff, I have to take her grudges … and persuade her to be more calm and more patient with the boss. Nod along, pat her back, and sometimes hold her or his hand …
Because .. hey, she’s not the boss.

As Prita? Well, let me get this way … You want a family and a child and still keep your job? Get a maid. Get a nanny. Get your unemployed relatives to take care of your child. It is a risk to lose a little bit of your shopping money (in my case, of course) because you have to allocated your money to these households expenses. You can not leave your child unattended, TRUE. And I didn’t say hiring a nanny, means that problem solved. Oh God No … There’s child kidnapping, child abuse because of Nannies, your house got rob, or worst … YOU GOT BOTH. Got Rob and childless in the next morning. Shit always happen. ;). So do it smart, hired a nanny with your closed-relative stay in your house. It could be your mom, or your dad, your sister, your brother, or again your close unemployed relative. Anyone that will keep you stay in a peace sanity in your office. If that still can’t help you out because of your lack of trust with the people I mention above … well, eat your heart out. I’ll be surprise if you didn’t die because of a heart-attack or stress out of juggling like some circus freak. It is unfair, kalo cuti dadakan loe ini loe jadikan sebagai hal rutin yang loe lakukan setiap bulan. Again, gue nggak bilang punya maid berarti menyelesaikan segalanya, tapi at least masalah loe nggak mentok disitu - situ aja. Find a solution. Solved the problem.

As a bitch? Well, it is unfair if a staff whom already married and have a child will get an emergency leave more easy than a single staff whom child-less. If I just got a big party and got drunk heavily, I should get an emergency leave too right? Since I can’t sit right even to just buttoning my bra. Why should those people who chose their life to get married and have a child got more priorities to take a leave than me? If it’s about setting priorities, well … It’s a fucking different set of priorities. When theirs is to listed their child in college, and mine is to have a long list of the coolest bags and shoes. Hah!

EAT THAT!

On Messenger, (again) :
A : If you’re a woman, would you ask a guy out first if you somehow find him attractive?
B : Ho Ho Ho, I’ve been holding my urge to say I TOLD YOU SO, YOU DIG THAT DUDE!
A : My question …??
B : Okay, it is common in our culture if a woman ask a guy out first. So, if I were a woman and I like him, and he’s been throwing sarcastic jokes to me, or he’s always breathing around my neck everywhere I go, yes definitely … I am going to ask him out. That guy is looking for attentions. In your case, too bad, he’s hitting a wrong woman. Since, you’re a robot. You can’t read humans. Though, you can read monkey’s sign languages … HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Why are you asking me this?
A : I can’t stand the way he looked at me! :D.
B : I like the beginning of relationships …
A : What relationships??? *yelling*
B : One more thing you have to remember, I don’t think he was looking for something permanent or serious … so come on, losen’ up a little bit. Smooching and cuddling are not going to make you pregnant anyway … as long as you do that with your clothes on. HAHAHAHAHAHAH…
A : Ou great, I got a sex lesson from you. That’s it, I knew it will be embarrassing to discuss this with you.
B : I’m your best friend that you have been involved with. No guy will be better than me in giving you advice about this kind of stuff. Trust me. And the good point is I’m not even in Indonesia. Purely friendship, Prita …. No Lust attached. What could be more great than that??? Don’t you miss sleeping over at someone’s house and wearing his t-shirt in the morning???
A : I’ve never done that !!!!!
B : You did that with me.
A : But there was someone else there. It didn’t count. And you slept in that sofa bed!. HAH!
B : You mean Stephan? HAH, he’s gay … He didn’t count!
A : Hehehehehe.
B : I’m going to need a report on the date…
A : Oooggghhh WHAT DATE??
B : Well, you know before you have a relationship, you have to date. We’re not chimpanzees, whom straightly fucking because they see a female chimp with big butts … because we’re huuuummmmaaaannnnssss…. Hey, look at that ,I’m being sarcastic, aren’t I???
A : WHAT RELATIONSHIPS???

1 day I heard a line from a series that said, sarcasm is a
refugee of a shallow mind. And it kicked me hard.
I’ve been in a serious dilemma of finding the other of my
self lately.
The other part of my self that again will complete the
puzzle.
Another “self” as a part of my learning.
Where I found a distance between me and the world I used to
know.
Where I found difficulties to understand my friends.
Where I can be enormously excited about something and a
minute later I found my self insanely clueless to be happy.
Where I know that my positivism and determination are my
strengths to do whatever I want, and the ground I used to stand on was shaken.
Falling apart. And I fell.
Where I was having the greatest day at work but … I wrote
this with tears in my eyes.
Where I try so hard to find another dream to put me to bed
but end up crying in my sleep.
Where I had nothing more to remember about you and it felt
sick.
Where I was scared that somehow even though I’d only
thinking of you in my head it counts as a legitimate cheating.
Where I was afraid that if I closed my eyes, I woke up as a
new person and your trails aren’t there anymore.
Where I was thinking to stay awake forever, because I was
paranoid that if I sleep someone could actually steal my thoughts and my
memories of you.
Where I was terrified that if I slept with my lover, and
woke up with regrets because he isn’t you.

I forgot your face.
I forgot the conversation.
I forgot the laugh.
I forgot about you.
I forgot what that felt.
I forgot everything.
If this is a beginning syndrome of amnesia of you … I
certainly hated it.
If this is a beginning syndrome of being immune of falling
in love … Oh Dear God please help me …

I’m insane.

Because you’re already gone and left me but I’m still
saying, “Don’t leave me. I don’t want to go to that bottomless hell hole
anymore”.
Because it feels like you’re leaving me again for the 2^nd
time.

I’m positively crazy.

At the office today.
Was in the lunch room. Bikin teh jam 3 sore. Kebiasaan gue dari dulu tiap sore … Nge-teh. Terus temen kantor gue dateng, asking2 about satu ruangan di kantor. Then he came along. Also making his afternoon tea. Then temen gue ninggalin gue. Jadilah gue ama si Oncom ini berdiri berdua nungguin kettle gue berbunyi “DING”, yang menandakan berarti air sudah mendidih dan siap dituangkan ke mug teh gue tercinta.

Nggak mungkin kita berdua diem2an aja kan? So, he started to talking about his new class … about the students, scholarships, and bla bla bla, and of course starting to get at a point where I want to sleep. Then …
Me : Is there anyone pretty in the class?
Gue mengatakan itu sambil taruh kantung teh gue dan 1 sendok gula ke dalam mug gue. He said ..
Him : I don’t have time for that. Besides that’s not what I’m focusing at.
Me : Oh come on, Just looking around… I mean, it’s really nice to teach a class with beautiful women in it.
Gue senyum ke dia, pouring the kettle yang udah mengeluarkan bunyi “DING”, ngaduk teh gue. And so was he … Kita berdua facing the wall, nggak ngeliat satu sama lain, dan nggak lama aroma teh buah gue dan teh apapun itu yang dia punya bercampur di lunch room. Yang menandakan ahhhh … teh udah siap diminum.
Him : I’m not like that with students, I don’t do that. I’m keeping it professional, you know … Because, I’m professional.
And I reply …
Me : Meaning you do not date your co-worker too??
Lift my mug, sipping my wonderful tea.
Him (muka merah, ngeliat ke gue sambil ngaduk teh) :
Hey, I thought we’re talking about professional manner between me and students?
Me : Well, you have to be professional too with your co-worker, right?
He smiled and said … “Well, I guess if you have to put it that way …”

Kita berdua senyum sampe keliatan gigi. Hihihihi. Like we’re both aware, that this is a zone where we do not want to go.
Terus kita jalan bareng keluar lunch room. Sampe pulang, gue senyum lebar, seakan ada hanger di mulut gue … it was so close buat gue untuk saying :

“So, you will say no if I ask you out, huh?”

I’m not a big fan of relationships and absolutely know nothing about one, but I surely do love to make a guy speechless when it came about answering questions involving one. It doesn’t to be in one, just feeling a little spark for me, is good enough, I’m grateful. After all, buat gue love only hit you one time.

Kok omongan gue jadi kayak lagu Britney Spears ya cong?
Hit me Baby one more time!!! *terkekeh*

Fyi … this guy is tall, blonde, and has this beautiful blue eyes  … that I wish I can swim in it. Wakakkakakakkakakak …

Happy almost 4th of July … for you Americans. And for You Sean McCallister … (there, you’re not an initial again!!!!).